Finding Refuge in Ourselves: A Journey of Self-Reflection and Personal Growth

When we are stuck in negative patterns and maladaptive behaviors, we often look outward to find the source of our troubles. But this external focus can often prevent us from examining our own role in our discontent. Here’s how we can face ourselves honestly and begin the journey towards emotional wellness.

Identifying Maladaptive Behaviors in Ourselves

We often play the blame game when something goes wrong in our lives, pointing fingers at others. But it’s crucial to understand that change begins with personal responsibility, not blame. Every day, ask yourself: “How can I be my happiest self today?” This reflective question can pave the way to identify maladaptive behaviors like self-loathing, neglect, being a workaholic, and self-sabotage.

Resume Points vs Eulogy Points: The Dichotomy of Perception

In the modern world, we often find ourselves juggling two very different versions of self-identity: the version we present in our professional lives, represented by our ‘resume points,’ and the version that others perceive, represented by our ‘eulogy points.’ Understanding this dichotomy is a critical aspect of self-awareness and self-improvement.

Understanding Resume Points

‘Resume points’ represent the skills, achievements, and experiences we put forward in our professional life. This includes our education, job titles, professional accomplishments, and other accolades that we perceive as increasing our worth in the marketplace. They often serve as the basis for our self-esteem and self-worth, especially in a society that frequently equates professional success with personal value.

However, while these points are crucial for career advancement, they don’t provide a holistic view of who we are as individuals. They often fail to capture our personal values, emotional intelligence, and capacity for empathy and compassion.

Understanding Eulogy Points

On the other hand, ‘eulogy points’ represent the qualities and actions that others value and remember about us. They are the attributes that would likely be highlighted in a eulogy, such as being a loving parent, a trustworthy friend, or a compassionate neighbor. These points represent our character, our emotional presence, and our impact on the lives of others.

Eulogy points provide a deeper, more meaningful insight into who we are as people, independent of our professional successes or failures. They are the aspects of ourselves that contribute to our legacy and the memory we leave behind.

Bridging the Gap

The discordance between resume points and eulogy points can sometimes lead to an internal struggle. We may find ourselves chasing resume points at the expense of our eulogy points, or vice versa. This imbalance can lead to feelings of dissatisfaction, emptiness, or a lack of fulfillment.

To achieve a balanced sense of self, we need to align these two aspects of our identity. This doesn’t mean giving up our professional aspirations or disregarding our personal traits. Instead, it’s about recognizing the value in both and striving to present a consistent and authentic self in all aspects of our lives.

Achieving this balance begins with introspection. Regularly reflecting on our actions, motivations, and values can help us understand whether we’re prioritizing resume points over eulogy points, or vice versa.

Remember, our worth is not solely defined by our professional success, nor is it encapsulated entirely by others’ perceptions of us. True self-value comes from integrating our professional achievements with our personal virtues, creating a holistic and authentic self-identity.

Your inner critic might be the loudest voice in the room, but you don’t always have to listen. The way we present ourselves (resume points) might differ greatly from how the world sees us (eulogy points). Being honest with ourselves and opening up to vulnerability can be the first steps towards change.

Understanding Trust Issues and Social Hang-ups

In a society that often encourages self-reliance and strength, admitting to having difficulties with trust and social communication can be hard. It’s crucial to identify if you’re struggling to communicate and trust others. This could be due to past traumatic experiences or anxiety disorders. Professional help, like counseling or therapy, can be highly beneficial in such situations.

Identifying a Safe Refuge

In our quest for emotional wellness, it’s essential to find a safe space or refuge – be it in someone or somewhere. Look for understanding, empathy, and emotional availability. Ask about their perspective on emotional health, personal boundaries, and their methods of resolving conflict.

Holding Ourselves Accountable

There isn’t a clinical term for people who refuse to be taken advantage of but hold themselves accountable. However, it can be viewed as a healthy psychological trait of self-respect and responsibility. It’s about setting boundaries and standing up for ourselves while also taking responsibility for our actions.

Value of Healthy Relationships

Healthy relationships can be the bedrock of emotional wellness and peace. It is essential to understand that the quality of our relationships can significantly impact our mental health. Investing time and effort in nurturing these relationships can pave the way for a happier, more fulfilled life.

Exercise and Well-being

The benefits of exercise extend beyond physical health. Regular physical activity can reduce stress, improve mood, and enhance overall mental well-being. It’s not just about being fit physically, but about finding a balance between body and mind.

Embracing Growth and Change

Change is a constant part of life, and personal growth involves embracing this change. It’s not about pointing fingers or blaming circumstances. Instead, it’s about asking yourself every day, “How can I be my happiest self today?” The answer might change, and that’s okay. The crucial part is to check in with yourself, be honest about your feelings, and take actionable steps towards your emotional wellness.

Remember, the journey towards emotional wellness is a marathon, not a sprint. It’s okay to have setbacks, and it’s okay to seek help. The important thing is to keep moving forward, one step at a time.


What you need to know about Investment risk

If you are new to the world of securities, aka investments, here is something you will need to know before you get started putting your money to work!

Everyone likes a great employee, and as a servant money is great, but as a master, money is cruel; so just how do we free ourselves from financial, indentured, and debt slavery? Learn the risks of playing the game poorly, and you will acquire a wealth of knowledge, now let’s get to know some risks:

Two primary risks of investors young and old for starters is dying too young, and an even more frightening risk of outliving your money. When opening up the discussion on wealth building, we inevitably will discuss life insurance and not as an investment vehicle, but as a tool to manage the financial risks that come with the passing of a loved one.

When a family member dies, especially among bipoc communities, it is also the death of an income. In case that confused you, I firmly believe that term insurance is an effective risk management strategy for underserved communities not just for go-fund-me funerals, but because it provides large amounts of coverage, for a determined period of time at an affordable premium. One major benefit of term life insurance is that it is cheaper than cash value insurance. The difference you might have spent on Cash value insurance can be put into an income producing asset like your employee retirement benefits – 401k, a 403b, or an IRA for retirement income. If you have children that might go to school, other savings vehicles like 529’s or ESA’s may be more fitting.

Personal consumer debt is another risk, and a major investment risk is illiquidity or the loss of your investment itself. Never invest more than you can afford to lose, and because most investment vehicles may require time to grow, if you need the money sooner than later, you could be doing more harm than good.

“Don’t put all your eggs in one basket,” “don’t count your chickens until the hatch,” (might I add – and wait until they mature) e.g. don’t forget about taxes, inflation, interest and rmd’s.

Got questions? Comment below.

Best regards,

Prince El

Wellness Coach | DAOM | Financial Planner

#flo #health #wealth #wellness


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